Pregnancy Angst

January 5, 2011

If I am going to be completely honest with myself, which is a total pain, because I’d much prefer to live in my little bubble of make-believe, the truth is this pregnancy has been the easiest and the hardest.


Confused, much? 

This is the 5th pregnancy I’ve carried to 20 weeks. We lost three babies very early in pregnancy and those were bitter moments full of loss, pain and an overwhelming sense of gratitude for the children I have carried to term. But this pregnancy has been, as they all were, different.


Physically, its been probably the smoothest; minimal morning sickness – more like mild nausea, and only if I had too much sugar, and fatigue. The fatigue wasn’t even that bad, I mean really, I was already tired and this just gave me a great excuse to crawl into bed a little earlier each night.

No crazy food cravings. Definite aversions to the normal mass amounts of sugar I love to consume. That’s not a bad problem to have. 

I also just don’t have time to dwell on being pregnant.

I remember when I was pregnant with Gwen…it took The looongest 9 months of my life. Ack. Any and all events were mentally organized around my due date: BB and AB (Before Baby and After Baby).

With each child since, I’ve been progressively busier. No time to languish through the months, no time to agonize over each and every moment of pregnancy. Just TCB (taking care of business).


Business. Yeesh. 

That is where the challenges have come in. 

My job.

I love the company and the people, but am finding my job especially challenging this year. This is nothing I haven’t spoken with my boss about and I think she gets it. I’m just struggling in a position that is very similar and yet worlds apart from what I’ve done here in the past.

I know I can do it, but the time I have to hit the goals I’ve set for myself is severely shortened because of my impending maternity leave. Cultural Care is super supportive of moms, and has a great materinity leave program; so you can call me George Costanza, but I want to go out on a high note!

So instead of worrying about weight gain, exhaustion, the inevitable new baby induced sleep deprivation, I worry about getting 12 months of work done in 8 months.

I worry about coming back from maternity leave as the one who didn’t excel. Excelling is good. It’s fun. I’m a little competative.

I worry.

And I’m worrying because I love what my company does. I believe in the service we provide (heck, I personally benefit from it) and I want to a contributing member of the team, not a coaster. Or a floater. Whatever. Either is not an option for my semi-OCD personality.

And boy, is all that worrying exhausting. 

Some doctor friend, please prescribe a few massages, facials and pedicures, and write them up on something official so my health insurance will foot the bill 😉 

Seriously though, I think worry and pregnancy are synonymous to a certain extent. What you worry about just shifts depending on what is going on in your life. 

Have I whined enough? 


Your turn. 

Tell me about your pregnancy woes/challenges and how you worked through.

 I found all these gorgeous images here. Because there is only so much of my pregnancy ravaged belly anyone should have to see. You’re welcome.

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